Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
