On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
