upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
