we made out on top of his cat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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