My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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