we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
