She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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