we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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