Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
