I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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