I want to make a zoo with you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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