am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
