I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
