EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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