She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
