i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
