I don't usually arrange sex via text message
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
