I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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