definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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