some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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