i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize