Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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