If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
not ubering you a puppy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
