you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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