So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
