Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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