Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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