Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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