I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
