She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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