It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
