office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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