In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize