He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
