come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
