I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
