weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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