Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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