Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
