Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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