my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize