im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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