i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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