You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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