I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
