She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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