When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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