I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
