And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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