He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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