Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
