there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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