If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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