Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize