Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
