I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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