So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize