the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
