3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
