I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
