I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
