i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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