my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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