u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
