the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
