It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
