I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
