I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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