When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He has the fingertips of a God
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