Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
