So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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