I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Boobs speak an international language.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
