is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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