i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize