Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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