You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
