don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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