Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
