Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
