I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize