porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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