someone get that fucking seahorse.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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