Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
