We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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