thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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