is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
