Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
