So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
