I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
