just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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