I should be sponsored by Trojan
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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