First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
