I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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