Small penises have feelings too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
