maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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