just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
