So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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