Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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