it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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