You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
