I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize