just tell him i said nine months
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
